The Chateauneuf-du-Pape Final 2020.

BRUMMIES VICTORIOUS IN CLASSIC CUP FINAL

Congratulations to Ian “Thompo” Thompson who guided The Battling Brummies to a staggering 10^th Cup Final victory, whilst ending  Mark Banham’s ambition of achieving a league and cup double this season with FC Banhamcelona.

The two managers have been the out and out best performers in the CNDP Cup this season, with both dominating the group stages by scoring a total of 501 points between them and in the process accounting just one loss.  There appears to be a respectful rivalry between them and this became more apparent in the 5 day WhatsApp Cup Final commentary as the two managers played mind games with each other, carrying out psychological warfare by claiming their own team lacked the quality of their opponents (probably not the ideal motivation for either sets of players). Yet hidden behind those good manners lies a long and prestigious reality football history, a South Coast rivalry with Thompo being a Portsmouth supporter and Mark a Southampton fan.  In fact, it is known deep down that Banham takes this rivalry more competitively than with the other Pompey management duo of  Alan Lee and Steve Hennessy (this mainly due to their poor and inferior FFFL performances over the years). Banham actually has gone on record to say that games against Steve and Al is a mirrored version of Danny Ings and Co’s demolition job at Fratton Park in the Cup this season.

Going into the final both sides had been scoring reasonably well in the league.  Thompo was putting pressure on Ian Fox’s Nobby’s No-Hopers for a second place spot, although there was added pressure from Darrell Newbury’s Club BFC on The Brummies for third place. Banham was also feeling the pressure as a 90 point lead at the top of the table was gradually being cut by Foxy (who was more concerned about Thompo and Darrell catching him in second place).  Everyone apart from Darrell were nervously looking over their shoulders, although one manager in particular became obsessed and paranoid in a lockdown fantasy football frenzy. 

Since the restart there has been a lack of confidence from Banham, an obsession that playing behind closed doors No-Hopers forward Raheem Sterling would be scoring for fun. There was a panic that he would be caught by his old nemesis Foxy and staff around the Camp Banou  were worried about his health.  The obsession turned into paranoia even more so when Antonio scored 4 goals in one game and Sterling then hit a hat-trick that same weekend.  Banham started believing there was a real life conspiracy, that these players were deliberately scoring for Fox and were not interested in their actual real club sides, instead he thought they just wanted to stop Banham winning the title, they were out to get him in some kind of personal vendetta. An insider at the football club said that Banham was in a Bohemian Rhapsody, he did not know if this game was real life, or is was just fantasy, Banhamcelona were caught in landside, there was no escape from the reality.  It has even been rumoured that Banham started harassing Foxy with WhatsApp messages each game, quoting “you are going to win mate!” “You are going to catch me”…………………BoooHoooBoooHoooo.

Back to the Cup Final and Thompo had some point scoring potential with Burnley’s Nick Pope and Jay Rodriguez against Norwich City, and there was optimism of a high scoring tally from Phil Foden and Gabriel Jesus as Manchester City were away to Watford.  After scoring 36 points the previous week in a 4-5-1 formation, Banham decided to leave Moutinho and McGinn out of the Banhamcelona team at the expense of Norwich City duo Buendia and Pukki. It was a controversial and questionable decision, taken as a precaution of any potential ghost players in later games due to the busy 5 day fixture list. With no expectation of a huge points tally from the East Anglian duo, Banham was taking a very conservative approach to the game.

As game 1 (Norwich v Burnley) was about to kick-off, Thompo, presumably with tongue in cheek, WhatsApp messaged “I’m hoping the Buendia – Pukki combination don’t get a hatful of points today”, Banham duly replied “Buendia and Pukki shall be lucky to score 2 points between them”………………………….35 minutes into the game and Buendia was sent off and after the full 90 minutes Pukki was a non-playing sub (Total points – 3).  With Banhamcelona already on minus points the Brummies took full advantage as Nick Pope kept a clean sheet (+7) and Jay Rod completed a full appearance (+2), giving Ian a 13 point lead in total.

Day 2 and Banham was hoping the poor show on Saturday could be overturned, but instead of a poor show it was a no show as Jan Bednarek did not even turn up!  What a time to get only your second ghost of the season and a kick in the teeth from one of your own. Thompo had now increased his lead by 18 points before any games had even kicked-off. 

Banham did claw back some pride back with a Nathan Redmond KC and full appearance from the fixture (Bournemouth v Southampton), but optimism of any comeback was soon put to bed one game later, with a Sanchez clean sheet for the Brummies as Spurs thrashed Leicester 3-0.  It was yet more misery for Banham as he conceded more points via Johnny Evans (-2 including a booking). After day 2 the Brummies led 16 points v -3, a 19 points margin in total and of the remaining fixtures to play Thompo still had 7 players against Banham’s 4.  It was looking like it could be a Cup Final massacre similar to that of the FA Cup Final between Manchester City and Watford.

Monday night football and the 6pm fixtures had 2 of Thompo’s players looking for more points. Thankfully for Mark an Almiron part appearance in a goalless draw v Brighton meant no KCs, this was followed up with a Richarlison goal for Everton v Sheffield United, denying a clean sheet for O’Connell and meaning Thompo took just 2 points from both games.  Any sort of miraculous comeback from Banhamcelona was seemingly with the Wolves v Palace game, but there was more moaning from Banham on 41 minutes as Wolves took the lead through Castelo Prodence.  No goal conceded, so why the anger? It was because a KC came from the anticipated rested and dropped Moutinho, making the decision to play Buendia even more frustrating and ridiculous. 

On 68 minutes though the Cup Final was spun around, a KC from Jimenez and goal from left back Jonny put Banham right back in the match.  After day 3 the scores between them were The Brummies 18 v FC Banhamcelona 14.  Just 4 points now separated the sides.

Tuesday night, the 6pm KO between Watford and Manchester City.  2 first half  goals from Raheem Sterling had Banham in another frenzy as his lead in the league was further being narrowed. Yet on the bright side no Jesus or Foden goals from the Brummies meant Banhamcelona were in front (Emerson was keeping a clean sheet).  Settling down to a BBQ in his back garden a vibration came from Banham’s mobile phone at 7.23PM, it was Thompo on the group WhatsApp chat with the words “Foden”, Banham then choked on his Chicken satay. That goal meant the clean sheet for Banhamcelona was now cancelled out with the score being The Battling Brummies 27 v FC Banhamcelona 21.  

With Grealish, Kolasinac and Maguire to play for Thompo v Alexander-Arnold for Banham, it was advantage Thompo again. However, the 8.15pm game between Villa and Arsenal saw Thompo obtain only 3 points and although Jack Grealish was Man of the Match there were no KCs from him. This time it was Thompo who was left feeling frustrated as one of his squad players Tyrone Mings would have scored him 10 points with a clean sheet and a KC.

Into the final day of the Cup final and the 6pm game between Manchester United and West Ham.  Manchester United conceding a late first half penalty (which Antonio converted) meant Maguire could not obtain a clean sheet, this meant the Brummies could not score any more points with a final tally of 30.  With Banhamcelona still on 21 points there was just Trent Arnold Alexander v Chelsea stopping Thompo sliding on his knees in celebration. 

Back to the WhatsApp group and Thompo messaged to say “Trent can still turn it around for you”, Marky B responded “I would need a goal and a clean sheet”……………………………6 minutes later a WhatsApp message returned from Thompo “He’s only gone and scored”………………………………somehow from a disastrous start Banham was in front 30 v 33 points! What a Cup Final!

Banham was now thinking the impossible could actually become the possible. Whilst this thought was in motion it was all short lived as his TAA clean sheet had disappeared, Giroud scored in added time at the end of the first half, advantage Thompo again, it was 30 points v 27.  Were there to be any more twists and turns to this pulsating Cup Final?  With the score at Liverpool 3 – Chelsea 1, a Firminio goal (Bloody Foxy, Banham in turmoil again) made it 4 – 1, but it just so happens it was via a KC from Alexander-Arnold! The game was now all level! 30 points v 30 points! Advantage Banham as he led by having scored more goals.  With just half an hour on the clock in this tense cup final Thompo was sliding on his knees once again!

Chelsea had scored through Tammy Abraham! Then on 73minutes Pulisic added a third, denting Banham with a couple of minus points, it was The Battling Brummies 30 v F.C. Banhmacelona 28.  Going into the last 10 minutes both manager were on the edge of their armchairs, Thompo willing on Chelsea and Banham Liverpool.  Gooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaal! Liverpool! Oxlade Chamberlain! Was it a Trent KC???????????  No it was the opposite full back Robertson! Banham in anger again as it meant more points for Foxy in the league.

Sadly for Banham no further points came and as the whistle blew for full time Thompo was running around his house David Pleat style (Luton surviving relegation).  Thompo then waited patiently for Foxy to officially confirm the actual scores before following up with an Alan Pardew FA Cup Final Celebration.  

Final score The Battling Brummies 30 v FC Banhamcelona 28.